Stop Apologising for Taking Up Space: The Confidence Crisis Killing Your Career

Confidence isn't just about walking tall and speaking loudly. It's about knowing your worth and not underselling yourself every single bloody day.

I've been working with professionals across Australia for the better part of two decades, and I'm convinced we've got this whole confidence thing backwards. We tell people to "fake it till you make it" then wonder why they burn out faster than a Ford Falcon in the Queensland sun. Here's what nobody wants to admit: most confidence training is absolute rubbish because it focuses on the wrong things entirely.

The Real Problem Isn't What You Think

Everyone assumes confidence is about speaking up in meetings or negotiating salary rises. Wrong. The biggest confidence killer I see is people apologising for their own expertise. "Sorry, but I think..." "I might be wrong, but..." "This probably isn't helpful, but..."

Stop it. Just stop.

Last month I was working with a mining engineer in Perth who'd apologise before sharing ideas that could save his company millions. Millions! Yet there he was, prefacing every brilliant suggestion with "Sorry, this might be stupid..." The bloke had fifteen years experience and a track record that would make most consultants weep with envy, but he'd been conditioned to minimise himself.

This is what happens when workplaces confuse confidence with arrogance. They're not the same thing. Confidence says "I know what I'm talking about." Arrogance says "I'm the only one who knows what I'm talking about."

Why Australian Workplaces Breed Confidence Killers

We've got this weird cultural thing where being too sure of yourself is seen as "up yourself." It's the tall poppy syndrome in action, and it's destroying careers. I've watched brilliant people in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane - everywhere really - dim their own lights because they're scared of appearing too confident.

But here's the kicker: while you're busy being humble and self-deprecating, that loudmouth from marketing is getting promoted. They might know half what you know, but they present it with certainty. Life isn't fair, and neither are workplaces.

The solution isn't to become an arrogant git. It's to understand that confidence is a skill you can develop, not a personality trait you're born with or without.

The Three Confidence Myths That Keep You Stuck

Myth 1: Confident people never doubt themselves Bollocks. The most confident people I know are riddled with self-doubt. The difference is they act despite the doubt, not because they don't have it. They've learned to separate feeling uncertain from being uncertain.

Myth 2: You need to feel confident to act confident This one's particularly destructive. You don't need to feel ready to start acting ready. Action creates confidence, not the other way around. I once had a client who was terrified of presenting to senior executives. Made her do it anyway. By the fifth presentation, she wasn't faking confidence anymore - she'd earned it.

Myth 3: Confidence is about never making mistakes Actually, it's the opposite. Confident people make mistakes faster and recover quicker. They don't waste time catastrophising about potential failures because they know mistakes are just expensive education.

The Confidence Paradox

Here's something that'll bake your noodle: the more you focus on building confidence, the less confident you become. It's like trying to fall asleep by thinking really hard about sleeping. Doesn't work.

Instead, focus on competence. Master your craft. Know your stuff inside and out. Confidence is just competence with a good attitude. When you genuinely know what you're talking about, confidence becomes automatic.

I learned this the hard way early in my career when I tried to wing a presentation to a board of directors. Crashed and burned spectacularly. Spent weeks feeling like a fraud until I realised the problem wasn't my confidence - it was my preparation. Never made that mistake again.

The Small Wins Strategy That Actually Works

Forget the grand gestures and dramatic transformations. Real confidence is built through accumulating small wins. Not Instagram-worthy moments, just quiet victories that stack up over time.

Start with something manageable. Maybe it's speaking up once in your next team meeting. Or disagreeing (respectfully) with a colleague when you know they're wrong. Or simply stating your opinion without apologising for having one.

The magic happens in the repetition. Each small act of confidence makes the next one easier. Before you know it, you're not trying to be confident anymore - you just are.

One of my favourite examples is a client who worked in IT support. Brilliant with technology, useless at advocating for himself. Started small: instead of saying "I think this might work," he began saying "This will work." Tiny change, massive impact. Within six months, he was leading technical discussions he used to hide from.

Why Your Inner Critic Is Actually Helpful (Sometimes)

Controversial opinion: your inner critic isn't always the enemy. Sometimes it's trying to protect you from making genuine mistakes. The problem is when it becomes an overprotective parent, shielding you from any risk whatsoever.

Learn to distinguish between helpful caution and paralysing fear. Ask yourself: is this doubt based on legitimate concerns, or is it just my anxiety talking? If you can't tell the difference, try this test: would you give this same advice to your best mate in the same situation?

Usually, we're much kinder and more encouraging to others than we are to ourselves. Use that external perspective to cut through your own mental noise.

The Communication Confidence Game-Changer

Here's a practical tip that'll transform how people perceive you: stop ending statements with question marks. "I think we should pursue option A?" sounds uncertain. "I think we should pursue option A" sounds decisive.

Also, slow down your speech. Nervous people talk fast. Confident people take their time. They pause. They breathe. They don't fill every silence with "um" and "ah" because they're comfortable with quiet moments.

Body language matters too, but not in the way most people think. Don't worry about power poses and dominant gestures. Just stand up straight and make eye contact. That's 90% of the battle right there.

Watch how confident people move through a room. They don't rush. They don't apologise for taking up space. They belong wherever they are, and their body language reflects that belief.

The Feedback Loop That Builds Bulletproof Confidence

Real confidence comes from a solid feedback loop. You try something, evaluate the results honestly, adjust your approach, and try again. No drama, no self-flagellation, just continuous improvement.

This is where most people get stuck. They either avoid feedback entirely (because they're scared of criticism) or they catastrophise every piece of constructive input. Neither approach builds confidence.

Instead, actively seek feedback from people whose opinions you respect. Not to validate your existing beliefs, but to identify blind spots and improvement opportunities. When someone gives you constructive criticism, resist the urge to defend yourself immediately. Listen first, evaluate later.

I remember working with a finance director who was convinced she was terrible at presenting complex data. Turns out, her presentations were actually quite good - she just had a habit of rushing through the key points. Small adjustment, massive improvement in how others perceived her expertise.

The Australian Workplace Reality Check

Let's be honest about something: some workplaces are toxic environments that systematically undermine confidence. If you're in one of those places, no amount of personal development will fix the fundamental problem.

But before you start planning your dramatic resignation, make sure you're not contributing to the problem. Are you setting appropriate boundaries? Are you advocating for yourself effectively? Are you taking ownership of your career development, or are you waiting for someone else to notice your potential?

I've seen too many talented people blame their workplace for confidence issues that were largely self-inflicted. Yes, some environments are genuinely hostile. But most are just indifferent, and indifference requires a different strategy than hostility.

Sometimes the best confidence builder is simply changing how you interpret other people's behaviour. That colleague who doesn't acknowledge your contributions might not be deliberately dismissive - they might just be overwhelmed with their own workload.

The Confidence Maintenance Program

Building confidence is one thing. Maintaining it is another. Confidence isn't a destination you arrive at and then coast. It requires ongoing attention and care, like a garden or a good friendship.

Regular self-reflection is crucial. What situations still trigger your insecurities? Which environments bring out your best? What patterns do you notice in your confident versus anxious moments?

Keep a confidence journal. Sounds wanky, I know, but it works. Write down three things you handled well each day. They don't have to be major achievements - small wins count too. Over time, you'll start noticing patterns and building a portfolio of evidence that you're more capable than your anxiety wants you to believe.

The Bottom Line

Confidence isn't about becoming someone else. It's about becoming more authentically yourself. It's about backing yourself without needing external validation. It's about knowing that even if you fail, you'll figure out what to do next.

Stop waiting for permission to take up space. Stop apologising for your expertise. Stop pretending to be smaller than you are to make other people comfortable.

The world needs what you have to offer. But first, you need to believe that yourself.

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• Building Leaders - Comprehensive leadership development
• Emotional Intelligence for Managers - Essential EQ skills for workplace success